


Things Unsaid

by GlindaThropp



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20 coda, Coming out (sort of), Dean Centric, Gen, Mild Homophobic Language, References to John Winchester being an asshole, References to Sam's blurry wife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:53:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27809395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlindaThropp/pseuds/GlindaThropp
Summary: Sometimes you drive around for forty years straight to avoid confronting your problems.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester (background), Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	Things Unsaid

It wasn’t long after they’d gotten in the car that the questions started.

“How’s heaven?” Sam asked. “How is everyone?”

“Yeah,” Dean muttered, running his hands down the steering wheel. “About that.”

“Dean…?”

Dean swallowed. “Bobby’s here. He’s good. Same with Rufus, Ellen, Jo… mom and dad.”

“That sounds… good.” Sam’s voice was cautious. “And everyone else?”

“I’ve only talked to Bobby,” Dean responded nervously.

“Dean, you’ve been dead for over forty years. What have you been doing? Driving around? Waiting for me to get here?”

“Time moves differently here,” Dean protested weakly. “But… kinda, yeah.”

Sam flicked his head and hair in a mixture of confusion and frustration. “Why the hell?”

Dean closed his eyes for a long moment. There was no danger of them crashing on these empty, heavenly roads. “I’m scared, Sammy.”

Whatever Sam was expecting, it wasn’t that. “This isn’t heaven?” He asked, his voice clipped.

“No, no. It’s not that. We’re good,” Dean reassured, knuckles still unconvincingly white on the steering wheel.

“Then… what’s wrong?”

Dean took a deep breath. When he started to speak again, his words came out in a rush. “When Cas summoned the Empty to save me, he… he told me something.”

It was hard not to get angry at Dean’s cagey behavior, but given they were now discussing their dead friend, Sam knew well enough to give Dean whatever space he needed. After a moment of silence, he felt it was appropriate to prompt his brother further. “What did he say?”

“He… he told me he loved me, Sam. Like, in a gay way.” Dean sighed; rubbed his eyes. “Then he was just gone. There was nothing I could say. No time, either.”

Now, Sam had lost a lot of people in his life. Friends, family, lovers. From that perspective, he could understand Dean’s grief. He didn’t know what to say in this scenario, though. Had it happened under any other circumstances; Sam might have been pretty obnoxious. Cas and Dean had always had an absurd amount of tension in their profound bond. How angels felt, and how much they could feel, wasn’t something any human being could know for sure, but Sam had a hunch Castiel felt more than friendship for Dean.

The fact that the truth only came to light at the last possible moment complicated things, as did Dean’s inability to respond. The fact that Cas was now permanently trapped in the Empty was just icing on top of a truly shitty cake. What could Sam say that would possibly dull the pain Dean was in, mourning his closest friend—who could have been more—for almost half a century?

He settled for, “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah,” Dean said simply.

After another lengthy silence, Sam took the risk of pointing out what had been clear to him for some time. “You loved him, too.”

Dean didn’t say anything for a long time. “I… I just can’t…” He trailed off.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t feel like you can yet.”

Dean let out a prolonged groan. “That’s exactly the problem.”

“You’re losing me.”

“I have to talk to him. I have to talk to them.”

“Are you saying… Cas is here?”

Dean bit his lip. “Yep.”

“Were you going to tell me that one of my closest friends is in Heaven rather than the special hell of oblivion that hates him for some reason?”

“Sorry.”

“Because you could’ve mentioned that at any point in this story.”

“I said I was sorry!”

“I’m kidding.”

“Oh.”

“But I don’t get what the problem is.”

When Dean spoke again, his voice was slow and tinged with anger. “Cas is here. That’s good. But… pretty much everyone we know is here, too.”

“Dean, if you’re worried about what people will think…”

“I’m not,” Dean said, but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself. “I’m not worried about what the people who love me are going to do or say if I… when I…”

“Come out,” Sam supplied.

Dean’s frown only deepened at that. “I mean… Bobby, mom… they know me. They know Cas. It isn’t going to be easy, but I think… it’ll be okay.”

“It will,” Sam assured.

“Can you blame me, though, for being worried about dad?”

Sam thought before answering, unsure what Dean would accept from him about their father in that moment. It was a sore subject. It probably always would be. “Dad can be an asshole, but—”

“Dad’s the one who trained us since we were kids to hunt monsters. You and I both know he’s homophobic.” The jokes he’d made throughout their childhood were clear enough, even if Sam didn’t know the specifics of their fallout after he’d almost been caught exploring his bisexuality as a teen. “Hey, dad, so glad we’re all spending eternity together. Anyways, I’m a fairy and I’m in a relationship with someone who is both a man and a monster, the last thing you wanted for your first-born son, who, by the way, died at the ripe old age of 41 because a regular vamp shoved him into a piece of rebar.”

“I guess that might not go very well. I can tell him about Ruby if you think that’d soften the blow.”

Dean let out a single mirthless chuckle. “Or I can go break a damn angel’s heart because I’m too scared of my own dad to face my own feelings. Prove him wrong and everyone else in the world right.”

“You’re not going to have to do that.”

“There’s no way I could do either alone.”

“I’m here for you, Dean.”

“Thank g—well, thank Jack, I guess.”

A little way down the road, Dean finally asked Sam about his time away. “So how were things on Earth? You ever settle down, have a family?”

Sam smiled. “Yeah.”

“You gonna tell me about them?”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, that was an endgame reference thanks for noticing. Peace and love.


End file.
